A Day No Mouse Would Survive!

"Upon Finding a Furry Creature In My Garbage Can"

The use of the word "vermin" doesn't begin to encompass:

thorough rage
blood pressure?
Librarians don't have it
caffeine intake
Overdue medication
A slow mental splinter extraction

"Soft, fluffy rodent creatures with gnashing teeth" is much more apt.

--
Confusion of the Kilt
and other tapestry massacres

Robert T. Bruce and his fur coat had arrived at the Bruce Family Castle (unlike the Swiss family Robinson, who hadn't, and indeed, weren't, and furthermore, were Norwegian). Pablo Peculiar brought up the rear (and thorax).
"Oh! My stomach is exhuding a mighty growl!" exclaimed Robert T. Bruce as he gazed upon the castle like a gazelle.
"Or that could be the giant leopard behind you, my lord," Pablo sighed. Indeed, a giant caribou WAS behind them. Robert T. Bruce emitted a girly scream. "Gasp!" he cried (quite literally). "Wherever shall we turn?! I want to live, to LIVE!!!" Then he slid down a nearby cactus and collapsed into a fit of cowardice. "The wooly mammoth has taken its leave of us, Sir Bruce," Pablo mumbled a few seconds later. Robert T. Bruce jumped to his feet and ankles and proclaimed victory. "Thank goodness I kept my cool, or we would've been horse food for sure, my faithful Pablo!" Pablo merely raised his eyebrows (thus spraining his face muscles). The clown car was on its way...
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Think of a number between one and ten. Got it? Now remember that number, and never ever tell anyone about it. Presto!